Our journey towards a family

Our journey towards a family………… This is long but I feel for you to truly understand what is going on you need to hear the whole story. Again....It's bit long. Read only if you will truly prayer for us.

  I've shared our struggles with some of my friends and yes with my immediate family. It's hard to discuss and it's even more difficult to see others around you getting the desires of their hearts.... to have a child and have a family of their own. I wanted to share our journey with all the bumps, turns and twists.

   Galen and I married when I was 34.... I was unable to find a job close to our home in Snyder but was lucky and blessed to find a teaching job in Big Spring, which is about 50 miles away. That job was great and I loved the people that I worked with but.... I knew that it wasn't acceptable for when we had children so I was always searching for a job closer to home and told Galen that I didn't want to start a family while I had 2 hours of drive time each day.... too much. Anyway in July 2007 I finally got a job in Snyder and we immediately started trying to have a child .... by then I was 36 and I knew the time was ticking away. I had also just witness the birth of my nephew Cameron in June of that and knew we had to get on the ball. After several months of trying on our own we visited with my OB/Gyn and he was understanding and suggested we start with the basic tests to see if there was any problems that we could see. He determined that I wasn't ovulating on a regular basis and prescribed Clomid and check blood at day 21 and yes that was working. Still after several months I was like we have to get going with this and I wanted to move on to a Reproductive Endocrinologist as I knew that the older I was the harder it was to become pregnant.

    We were referred to Dr. Dorsett in Lubbock and we had our 1st appointment in Oct 2008... She was very optimistic and suggested we do a "mini-stim" cycle with IUI. We did the 1st mini-stim cycle with IUI at the end of Nov 2008 and good news we got pregnant. After the blood test to confirm pregnancy... the numbers just weren't increasing like it should.... we had our 1st ultrasound appointment in Jan 2009 at 7 weeks. She told us then that the embryo was not measuring the proper size and said she'd like to wait and check again in 2 weeks (9 weeks) but she didn't think it was going to be a viable pregnancy.  Those 2 weeks where the LONGEST hardest 2 weeks. When we went back for that visit there was no heartbeat and the embryo had "died". I miscarried on Jan 23, 2009. It was a very difficult time but I was for sure that we needed to wait a few months and proceed again. Over the next year (2009) we did two more "mini-stims" with IUI with no success. We started contemplating IVF and had to really pray whether that was what God wanted for us. I was so torn as to what to do and whether we were playing God by doing all of this. But I knew that God's promise in Psalms 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart."

   Galen and I begin to get our finances in order as the Lord has blessed us with the required funds to proceed. We started the IVF process in April 2010 and had to "skip" a cycle to do blood work not being correct in order to proceed. At the end of May/ first part of June we started the daily shots and the frequent trips to Lubbock to do ultrasounds and blood work. In the middle of June we were able to retrieve 8 eggs and then the waiting and watching began. After the 8 eggs were retrieved 7 eggs fertilized. Each day I would receive a call from the embryologist to tell me the growth progress of the eggs and each day more would "expire".

     While we were waiting on the eggs to mature I began to have horrible stomach pains and was told that I was stimulated a bit too much and I need to increase my sodium intake. The nurse told me to drink a HUGE bottle of V8 every day for 2 weeks and to eat and drink items with TONS of sodium. It was a horrible few days as the acid from the V8 tore my stomach up and I rarely was able to get of bed except to go to the restroom. After about 3 days I got a call that my dad was airlift to Odessa and was in critical condition and was ask to drive over there. So.... I pulled myself together and drove to Odessa at about 10 pm. Over the next few days Galen and I were driving back and forth to Odessa to see my dad and still very ill from the over-stimulation and the TONS of sodium I had tried to consume.  Six days after the egg retrieval were told that we were ready for the embryo transfer (the process of putting the embryos back into me). I was instructed to have 3 days of complete bed rest but was only able to get 2 in as I felt it important to get back to Odessa to see my dad. Needless to say.... this was a VERY stressful time for me and I was a basket case and torn by what were the BEST actions on my part.

   We then had to wait the 2 weeks to then find out if the IVF worked and we were pregnant. That was a long two weeks again and I had to try to keep my mind off of that and to just not think of it.  Since we know that we don't have a baby now you know that the procedure didn't work. I was devastated and confused and angry! I couldn't understand why???? I clung to Jeremiah 29:11 --"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Because I know HE hold the future and I know I have to trust in Him. It isn't always easy ... especially when so many other ladies around me were having babies or being pregnant.

   In August 2010 I had a pelvic laparoscopy so my RE could look around inside and see if there was anything we were missing. She found that I had some mild endometriosis and cleaned that all up but she said that everything else seemed good and really wanted us to try IVF again but even suggested Super-ovulation. I knew Galen didn’t want to spend that kind of money again for IVF so we waited. In November 2010 I decided to try acupuncture and saw a Doctor of Acupuncture Medicine for a couple of months.

   In May 2011 we decided to go ahead with super-ovulation. Super-ovulation is very similar to the same medications that I did with IVF in that I gave myself 2-3 shots for about 8 nights to stimulate my body to produce more than the 1 egg that is typical for most women. I started the shots May 27 and continue to return my RE's office for ultrasounds to monitor the follicle sizes (each follicle holds a potential egg) and blood work. On June 6th we did another IUI with the ultrasound showing between 4-6 mature follicles.

  On June 20, I found out that I was indeed pregnant. The next few weeks progressed along and on July 5 I stopped in the dr office for blood work and the nurse wanted to do an ultrasound. I was able to see a little “cardiac” movement from the baby but the nurse mentioned that the fetus was measuring about 4-5 days behind in growth. I thought.... oh great… here we go again. The HCG beta did showed that my levels didn’t double the way it should have and I just knew in my gut that something was wrong. The next week July 12 (a few days before we were to leave on my vacation/cruise) we went to the official 1st appt at 7 weeks – and we saw an empty sac. No baby at all. The doctor suggested that I continue my shots of progesterone so I wouldn’t miscarry while on vacation. I am now waiting to hear back from my doctor’s office to see when to let the miscarriage happen and what to do.

  I tell you all of this so that you will pray for me and Galen. I’ve been living with a front to be brave and strong but inside I’m a not ok.  We’ve done so much, spent so much and prayed so much.

  We need peace! We need to know if God intends for us to be childless?? Does he want us to look into other options of becoming parents?  I need a HUGE word from God….. So I covet your prayers now more than ever.